Jeff Watson AI Threat Level: Green - The reader may proceed without danger of reading anything related to American Idol.

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La Raymunda and I started yoga today.

We’ve tried this before. Once with a video hosted by an attractive middle-aged woman sitting on a beach on Maui with the sun setting behind her while she cleaned her ears with Q-Tips held between her toes and a second time at Washington Sports Center. On neither occasion did we make it through the program without giggling.

“Namesti. Welcome to Mystical River of Death Yoga Studio. Let’s begin. Assume Fornicating Lotus position. Grasp your foot and pull it all the way over your shoulder. Now the other. Do you feel the purifying energy? Those are your tendons screaming to Vishnu for mercy. Now relax into the rest position, Impossible Diaphragm Contraction and exhaaaale into Stabbing Intestinal Pain. Is your navel drilling through the back of your spine? Good! Now, let’s go on to our death-chakras…”

And so on until we’ve both dissolved into fits of the giggles and we have to excuse ourselves before we get kicked out or someone laughs a booger out their nose.

We had better luck tonight, though. No giggles and the stretching actually felt pretty good. Although once in Proud Warrior pose I wanted to throw a spear at a water buffalo and shout BOOYAH! which doubtless would have scared the bejeesus out of all the soccer moms.

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On the marathon front, I ran twelve miles on Saturday - a new personal record.

I…thought…it…would…never…end.

I suppose I should eat something before I run that far in the morning. Maybe some Little Debbie Star Crunches or a bowl of Froot Loops or some crystal meth. But I didn’t eat and so I had zippy energy and was ready to quit by mile four. By mile six I was crying for mama and at mile eight I was trying to figure out how to rig a shotgun to the treadmill so I could reach the trigger with my toe and I put myself out of my misery.

I have no recollection of miles nine through twelve.

As usual, I watched television while I ran. I wish I could remember what I learned but the whole thing passed in a vague fog of hunger, boredom and wanting to die.

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P.S. I have Antarctica pics online. You can view the Barrientos Island photo album here. I’m working on Brown Bluff now.

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P.P.S. Mystery Fawn is back! Hope to have a new photo posted tomorrow.