Scotch Whisky & Heroin

Posted by: elraymundo at 11:53 pm on Wednesday, March 21, 2007
From: Great Falls, Virginia
Filed under: History, Books & Literature, Jokes, American Idol, Nature, Liquid Diet

Q: What’s the dirtiest line ever uttered on television?

A: “Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night.”

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Ran five miles today, surprisingly easily. Learned a lot about castles on the History Channel in the process. Also set June 24 as Marathon Day.

Total mileage thus far: 70 miles.
Weight lost: 7 pounds (A colleague of mine at the Place of Toil and Labor said, along with my eating more, that my body could be storing any extra calories as reserve energy due to the higher demands I’m putting on said traitorous body, and that once my fat backstabbing uncooperative self figures out that this running-business is normal activity that it will release those calories and the weight loss will resume. Or begin. Or not. I’m holding out hope that a crash diet of scotch whisky & heroin cocktails does the trick.)

- - - - -

Google Earth image of the Yangtze River's hairpin turn

Started a new book last night - The River at the Center of the World, by Simon Winchester. Interesting premise: that the existence of China, the history of the Far East and even the world would have been different had the Yangtze River, which rushes south from northern China for several hundred miles, not “slammed head-on into a massif of limestone, ricocheted and cannonaded off it and then promptly thundered headlong back up to the north.”

Winchester speculates that, had the river not made that hairpin reversal of course at Cloud Mountain, a hairpin turn which apparently doesn’t occur to any other major river anywhere else in the world, the Yangtze would have continued south parallel to the Mekong, passed out of China and dumped itself into the Gulf of Tonkin (Vietnam) instead of becoming the great waterway that served as the backbone of trade, communication, unification and conquest that made China the power it was in the past and is becoming again now.

- - - - -

“I thought Sanjaya was good last night,” said Jeff the security guard.
“You mean his rape of The Kinks?” I said.
“Yeah. I thought he did good.”
“Jeff, have you ever actually heard The Kinks?”

shrug

“There’s more to rock ‘n’ roll than jumping around onstage and screaming like a fifteen year old playing air guitar in his underwear in his bedroom.”

3 Comments »

Comment by Micah

03.22.07 @ 8:16 am

You are aware that muscle weighs more than fat, right? And I have this strange feeling that all this running is probably causing just a wee little bit of muscle growth.

Comment by Jeffaroo

03.22.07 @ 12:00 pm

FYI, Sanjaya was good last night.. taken in context. It was “his” best peformance, but one of the worst of the night. At the very least he needed to be in the bottom 3.

Haley may have only been saved because she shook her bra-less boobies like there was no tomorrow. I noticed it, Simon noticed it, I’m sure Michael noticed it, so how many millions of teenage boys entering/fully enjoying their pubescent years also noticed?

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03.29.07 @ 7:56 am

[…] Just eight days ago I posted an old joke about the dirtiest line ever uttered on television: […]

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