Before it was the Place of Evil and Darkness it was the Land of the Magic IPO.

In the Land of the Magic IPO they dreamed of riches and happiness. There was loyalty, dedication and a True Sense of Mission. In the Land of the Magic IPO they were onto something. Something big. The Future was bright – so bright that “Future” was capitalized.

Just keep working, they said. Keep at it. The Reward will be great.

Then the Forces of Evil and Darkness invaded and the Land of the Magic IPO was cloaked in eternal winter – and not like that white glisten-y sparkly winter in that Narnia movie, either. I mean the slushy crappy mud and ice winter that lingers in Minnesota in March and April. Cold slush in your boots, wet socks, foul weather every day, sleet, chills and black ice.

Thanks, Forces of Evil and Darkness.

After the invasion, people stopped dreaming of riches and fulfillment and just started surviving. The United Nations changed the name of the country in the Official Logbook of Nations. If you read the Logbook now it says this:

Land of the Magic IPO People’s National Federal Democratic Republic of the Totalitarian Meatgrinder

Long may your banner of a Screaming Pinched Nickel wave!

People fled the People’s Republic of the Meatgrinder in droves – some voluntarily, some not. Many were enticed to stay by Christmas party door prizes and boxes of Turkish Delight. Then the door prizes disappeared, the Turkish Delight turned to dust and the Grinches ate all the birthday cake. No one was happy. But a person has to make a living, right? So they hung on.

And so it goes.

Many years ago, when The Blonde Goddess of Finance moved to the Land of the Magic IPO, she was picked up in a limousine, taken to the airport and flown to the site of a massive Magic IPO project. The project was an overwhelming success. The people of the Land of the Magic IPO embraced, a party ensued and everyone celebrated. The Blonde Goddess of Finance looked at all the happy people and thought, “This is the place for me!”

And who wouldn’t?

Years later, when the People’s Republic of the Meatgrinder celebrated the 10^th birthday of the founding of the Land of the Magic IPO, it invoked the symbols and spirit of dead days to fool the people into caring again.

I’m not so sure the survivors were convinced.

Blonde Goddess of Finance: You missed quite the display today. Happy 10th Anniversary, Land of the Magic IPO - Now take a bag and clear out all the crap we don’t want in our Propaganda inventory closet.
Dispassionate Chronicler of Events: Propaganda Giveaway Day, eh?
Blonde Goddess of Finance: Yup
Dispassionate Chronicler of Events: Anything good left? Like a Land of the Magic IPO Marital Aid?
Blonde Goddess of Finance: Nope. Just small and XXXL T-shirts
Blonde Goddess of Finance: Lanyards, monitor cleaners, crap crap and crap. Yes, thank you for your 10 years of blood sweat and tears. Here’s some left over shit.
Dispassionate Chronicler of Events: Not even some new golf balls?
Blonde Goddess of Finance: Not a single ball
Blonde Goddess of Finance: There’s a big scary air balloon outside my window, though
Blonde Goddess of Finance: 3 stories high
Blonde Goddess of Finance: No, we won’t give you any new shit, but we’ll pay $5grand to set up a balloon
Dispassionate Chronicler of Events: That sure doesn’t compare to the limo that picked you up on your first day, does it?
Blonde Goddess of Finance: Oh HELL no

Incredibly, despite the desolation, some still live there.

THE END