It’s been a busy week and El Raymundo is tired. There were family festivities with the relations in Baltimore all last weekend and The Debra’s folks have been in town this week. Workload at the Place of Toil and Labor has skyrocketed and I think my body is confused because last week was a four-day work week and this morning, Friday, I woke up and my body said, “Huh? We’re going to work? Again???â€
But it’s Friday evening now. The Debra is cooking dinner with MegaJan and William is reading Mutiny on the Bounty. I’ve poured myself a small glass of pre-dinner goodness – a bit of Lagavulin – and am ready to relate a few non-linear snippets of life.
The UltraHot Geo Coleman sent me a link whose by-line read thusly:
“ST. PETERS, Missouri (AP) — A woman, angry that her new puppy had died, pushed her way into a dog breeder’s home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua.”
Now that’s a hook!
The story continues: “As the woman drove away, she waved the dead puppy out of the car’s sunroof and yelled threats at the breeder, police said.â€
I would be remiss to leave out the fact that the UltraHot Tiffany Taylor also forwarded me that story today. No, not the pron star Tiffany Taylor (Google that one at your own risk, sports fans). The Time Warner Cable Security Analyst Tiffany Taylor.
Alert: Approaching non sequitur
John Holmes, a colleague of mine at the Place of Toil and Labor, mentioned that I was not going to get a real person to staff the position on my nascent Change Management team. It’s been decided, he said, “to use an NPC.â€
“An NPC!†shouted Shinnguard. “A Non-Player Character! Will it be a Paladin with a longsword +1?”
“No, it’ll be a Paladin with a Holy Avenger +5 and a Helmet of Very Intentional Goodness,†I said.
“Whoever it is, they’ll have to be Lawful Evil or Lawful Good,†said John with a shrug. “One or the other.â€
“I only roll twenties,†bragged Scott.
“I don’t know about you, but I only roll twenty-twos,†said John.
“On a twenty-sided dice?â€
“He rolls deuce-deuce.â€
“I roll fours when all I need to hit is a seven,†I said. “And then my character is run through the chest with a spear and skewered to an oak tree. And then druids light him on fire.â€
Alert: Approaching non sequitur
A chat window popped up and Michelle D. was asking me:
Michelle D: When you think of country ho’s, what do you imagine?
El Raymundo: Huh?
Michelle D. I’m going to a pimps and ho’s party tonight and I want to go as a country ho. What do you think one looks like?
El Raymundo: I have no idea, Michelle. I grew up in the suburbs.
I asked Bernard if he had any idea what a country ho looked like. He said Tonya Harding.
I sent Michelle the link to my Angelina Jolie/Village People/hot tub dream.
El Raymundo: This will make you laugh: (the Me and Angelina Jolie post)
Michelle D: You are borderline obsessed.
Michelle D: I had a dream last night too. I was trapped in a mud pit with alligators.
(pause)
Michelle D: I think I prefer your dream.
Which leads me to the Camel Joke.
A military detachment was sent to the deepest corner of Iraq. The men expected to be there for a very long time and knew they would be isolated and lonely, so they brought a camel along “for emergencies.†You know, because they would be lonely.
After a few months a captain was sent to join the detachment. When he arrived he asked what the camel was for. “We get lonely here,†said one soldier, “and the camel is for emergencies.â€
Several months pass and the captain is feeling the isolation, so one day he takes a box and sets it on the ground behind the camel. The captain mounts the box and becomes one with the camel. When he finishes he zips his pants and asks a soldier, “Is that how the men do it, soldier?â€
“Not really,†replied the soldier, “usually we just ride the camel on into town.â€